Where's the calendar?
Many of us run our lives by calendars. When I work, I am completely useless if I have left my daybook behind, and have been known to spend 45 minutes of a work day running home to get it so that I can be somewhat useful.
Every year, in May or June, I set out my travelling schedule for the upcoming year. 44 schools, 15 or 20 communities, multiple contracts, various co-workers, this is my life and there's something mathematically satisfying about seeing my year in advance, all neatly laid out.
Then comes the summer calendar. Print out June, July, August. Plug in the Folk Festival, the annual canoe trip with the girl-friends, the canoe trips with neices, nephews, and their friends. A road trip to Kananaskis to meet a friend for some awesome hiking, paddling, and white-water rafting.This is all familiar and friendly territory.
Not so the reality of this summer's calendar.
On June 27th, my brother learned he was seriously ill. Everything changed overnight. Now a calendar floats via internet to friends and family, with slots for childcare, meals, cleaning the house, and doing anything else to help him, his wife, and 2 young girls manage from day to day.
I can manage calendars. I can manage tasks. How to manage emotions that ride violent rollercoasters day after day, that's a much tougher one to deal with. The unpredictability and vulnerability of one's health can change without rhyme or reason, at any time, without seeking our permission or cooperation.
No neat little boxes in which to slot in events.
No nice predictable calendars.
Every year, in May or June, I set out my travelling schedule for the upcoming year. 44 schools, 15 or 20 communities, multiple contracts, various co-workers, this is my life and there's something mathematically satisfying about seeing my year in advance, all neatly laid out.
Then comes the summer calendar. Print out June, July, August. Plug in the Folk Festival, the annual canoe trip with the girl-friends, the canoe trips with neices, nephews, and their friends. A road trip to Kananaskis to meet a friend for some awesome hiking, paddling, and white-water rafting.This is all familiar and friendly territory.
Not so the reality of this summer's calendar.
On June 27th, my brother learned he was seriously ill. Everything changed overnight. Now a calendar floats via internet to friends and family, with slots for childcare, meals, cleaning the house, and doing anything else to help him, his wife, and 2 young girls manage from day to day.
I can manage calendars. I can manage tasks. How to manage emotions that ride violent rollercoasters day after day, that's a much tougher one to deal with. The unpredictability and vulnerability of one's health can change without rhyme or reason, at any time, without seeking our permission or cooperation.
No neat little boxes in which to slot in events.
No nice predictable calendars.
posted by Carlotti at 10:29 PM
1 Comments:
Life and it's unpredictability are huge sources of anxiety. WHY WHY WHY?
The worst are the unaswerables. Whatever coping mechanisms you have use them and lean on others.
There are so many cliches about these types of events. I hope that everything sorts itself out and that you will see something that evades all understanding at this moment. We actually were designed to cope with life and death matters on a daily basis. People are capable of miraculous things.
You do your best..and whatever it takes.
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